it hurts more in the daytime
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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