I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
