I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
