fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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