Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
