I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
