Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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