You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
