i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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