i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
