Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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