If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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