Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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