my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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