What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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