haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
