By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I love you. Go after that dick
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