At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
