Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize