and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
