I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize