The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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