She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
