I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
