I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
