Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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