OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
