i barfeds in our rink
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
