I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
