OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
