problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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