when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
