I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
