I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize