Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize