I should be sponsored by Trojan
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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