I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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