do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I AM VODKA MAN
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize