just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
