there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
