i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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