walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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