Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
