Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
