i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
