well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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