dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
