it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
