the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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