im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
