woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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