i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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