Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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