i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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