Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
