I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
