I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
