How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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