Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
