not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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