can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
