2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
