I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
