I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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