i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
