Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My ass is underappreciated
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
