Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
