I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
