whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
