not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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