I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
