did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
