You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
