i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
