i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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