I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
