I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
