I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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