hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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