you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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