i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
