At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
