im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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