Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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