Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is wine microwaveable?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
