Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone signed my nipple.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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