I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
