God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
