so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
