He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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