R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
