I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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