In the future we'll all be gay
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
