And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize